Coaching a 12-yr old girl with self-inflicted pain problem

NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming)

SF (Solution Focus)

EP (Energy  Psychology)

I emailed with an internet coach for her ideas and our discussion as follow.  I also make remarks on coaching aspects as insert in the discussion for the coaching community.

(Note: Mindset Emotion Coaching uses Energy Psychology   as per  http://www.360q.com/Heal/EP.htm   )
______________________________________________________________________

I wrote:

>Need your advice:12 yr old girl pulled her hair till bald, secretly in the bathroom without telling people. Apparently unconsciously or cannot control herself, and did not feel the pain or suffering. Mother said there was no serious disturbance in her life, not during childhood, nor now, except she easily gets angry, feels inferior to her more lovable bigger sister, who catches
people attention.

>The above is only the opinion of the mother. During first Mindset Emotion Coaching  session, she related her more pleasant stories, but not in the above direction.

>You advice, please.

Reply ....

Trichotillomania is often associated with stress, OCD, and low self esteem, but it sounds like she could be using it to control her anger as well. Trust and rapport building is essential for this age group. Validation and mirroring are important in this endeavor. Perhaps a simple... "Even though I'm so mad I pull my hair out I'm still a really awesome person." ...would be a good start. You could also try having her get in touch with what it feels like right before she pulls her hair and have her paint a picture in her mind of what that feeling looks like. Have her pay attention to any colors that come up. Then ask her what emotion would she associate with that picture. For example, if she describes the picture as a volcano ready to erupt and the colors are red and yellow, then apply Energy Psychology on, "Even though I feel this fiery red and yellow volcano and it makes me want to pull my hair...".

Hope this helps. Send us an update if you can.

Forrest,

<Remarks for Coaching Community  : from the above, it implies the coachee-client has self-esteem problem, emotional problem, inferiority complex. Like any form of coaching – rapport building is emphasized. Importance of mental picture hence mindset>

I wrote:

>Dear Forrest

>I appreciate very much your views, suggestions and advice. I find them very useful.

>Let me share a bit more and hopefully get more insight from you.

>During the 1st Mindset Emotion Coaching session, knowing the hair pulling problem from the mum and little other information, I was cautious (or over cautions) not to go directly into the problem, hoping she will bring out the problem herself, but she did not, even with my indirect hinting. Further the mum brought her to see a psychiatrist and she refused to talk, ended with only medication. Hence I was careful to focus on building rapport and managed to get her telling her stories, mostly pleasant childhood stories, ... a little bit of dispute with her school mates etc. which I apply Energy Psychology.

>I was also worried in case there was serious trauma before and she is not ready to face it, let alone accept it, hence express such negative emotion in hair pulling.

>The mum managed to convince her to see me again for 2nd session.

>What should be a better approach now? to go direct into the problem?

Again appreciate your views.

Reply ....

So am I hearing the client does not know that you know about the hair pulling? If so, have you ascertained what her goals are for treatment? Let her lead you where she wants to go. You might try, "Most people come to see me because there have some thoughts, memories, or feelings that are keeping them from really enjoying their life. I'm wondering what thought, feeling, or memory keeps you from enjoying your life to the fullest that we could work on today.

My thoughts are with you, Andrew,
Forrest

<Remarks for Coaching Community:

Mindful that the coachee-client would not even want to open up to certified, professional psychiatrist (more qualified than me) I have to mentally prepare well during the first session to build good rapport. I was lucky, she opened up and tell her stories, mostly pleasant stories of her current and past.

The internet coach-friend emphasized importance of client setting Goal (like GROW coaching model) gave good and powerful coaching questions as suggestion for me>

I wrote:

>Forest, thanks again.

>Some more sharing .....

>She "knows" her problem from adults' reaction e.g.Mum's anxiety about her, sending her to see doctors on her hair pulling and psychiatrist , and she had to wear wig to school to cover the bald head ....

>My theory is a) she has no clue whatsoever or rather why is the problem, or b) she is too scared to face the real problem or trauma, if any. Hence either case, she cannot and would not tell what is the problem or goal.

>I just happened to treat her the 2nd time (today) ..

>After the initial rapport building. ..I went straight into the subject matter .."I heard from your mum that a few days ago you pull your hair again? what happened and how did you feel?" ... she just smiled with innocence, and she had no answer, no clues whatsoever.

>Using Energy Psychology   "Even though I did not know what happen ... can't control myself and I injure myself by pulling my hair, ... even though I do not recall or cannot express what feeling I have .... I accept ...I forgive ....etc."

>..... then a long silence and tear flowed ...

>"How do you feel now"

>"I feel happy"

>She is a child, with few words, and her sincerity wanting to solve her problem, without knowing what is the problem, is real.

>The session ended with her smiling and she promised apply Energy Psychology   on herself whenever she feels something negative though she could not
articulate the negativity.

>Hope to find out more later on her situation.

>Again thanks for your presence with me in helping the little girl

>Andrew

Reply ....

Wow! How awesome are you?!? You really put yourself into that little girl's place and went from an intuitive place. You can rarely go wrong working from that place. You had to go home feeling pretty satisfied today. Nice work!