A kindergarten teacher shares her story ..
A student cried and told her : "My little puppy died."
The teacher felt very sad and said : "Teacher also feel very sad. We both
make a wish, let the dog die in peace."
I offer the following suggestion to the teacher, to use another coaching
"You lovely puppy died, are you very sad?"
"When you feel sad, what sensation you feel in your body?"
Encourage him or her to say .......
"Even though I feel sad, ¡and I have this difficult body sensation
(e.g. tightness in the chest), I am still a good boy (girl). And the
lovely puppy can die in peace now."
Natural inclination is to sympathize with the other person, out of good
intention. However it has potential negative consequences, especially if
such strategy is used often:
1. "Teacher also feel very sad. " - The child will become dependent on
sympathy and pity to cope with life. Over time, he or she will meet more
challenges in life : today the dog died, tomorrow fail in exam, later
career problem or relationship or business¡and need sympathy.
2. Two extreme scenarios that may affect the child : individual's
felt-sadness is always unique, if the teacher's sadness is not as deep as
the child, he or she may not feel the complete understanding. If the
teacher has other personal sadness mingled, this negative energy can
further affect the child negatively.
3. The child may form limiting beliefs like "since teacher also feel sad,
I am ok". If other is as bad a situation as me, or worse, I am ok". "If
others are in better situation, I am NOT ok.". A corrupted politician will
justify: "Some are more rich than me, I am not Ok, I need to grab and rob
more money from the citizens." One uses 'comparison strategy' to
move on with life. We create more chaos to this fragile world.
4. "We both make a wish." this may make the child to suppress difficult
feelings of the current difficult situation and project his or her mind
to the future. If there are more difficulties along the way and not as
good as the wishes, hopelessness sets in. We need to teach our
children to live in the Power of Now.
5. Helping the child to feel and sense the arising emotions and body
sensation is helping to release the blocked energies. E.g. "tightness in
the chest", otherwise, over time blocked Qi (energy) may lead to heart
problem at older age.
6. "I am still a good boy (girl)." meaning I restore my self confidence,
thus able to cope with more challenges in life.
7. "And the lovely puppy can die in peace now¨ meaning I can let go
now. I need not hold on or be bolted down by difficult life situation,
thus I can move forward.
8. Good to remain neutral as a helping person: excessive positive or
negative emotions (e.g. feel sad for the child) can interfere with the