[True Self and Relationship] can be a useful model to describe some of my hundreds of EP coaching cases.
Client presenting problems can be depression, insomnia, drug addiction, sickness, performance problem, relationship problems ...which are mere manifestations of various symptoms. The underlying issues, to a large extend can be related to conflict between [True Self and Relationship].
The early conflict between True Self and Relationship usually stems from childhood, whereby the current suffering client's childhood was under stress due to interacting relationship with parents. The parents can be uncaring, abusive, ..resulting in the child becoming a victim. A victim identity is certainly not a True Self identity, without self-esteem, self pride, but blaming self as useless and worthless.
It can be a case of over-caring parents, making the child overly dependent on the parental love to survive. This is dependency-relationship, not True Self with self confidence, self leadership.
This childhood imprints still stay on vividly in the minds of the suffering clients, usually subconsciously, driving them into current state of pain and suffering.
In adulthood, new relationships get established: courtship, marriage, partnership, friendship ...Again, most people are not aware of the importance of True Self, and the delicate balance between True Self and the new relationship or identity, and these get them into trouble.
A large part of the subconscious blurring of True Self in the midst of the established relationship comes from societal expectation and morality of roles.
We use an extreme case for discussion.
A wife is under the drunk and gambling husband's abusive behavior (physical and verbal) for a long time. the children suffer badly also. The wife over identifies her role as a good wife, to tolerate such abuse, and she also over identifies her role as a good mother, sacrifices for the children and insists the children must forgive the abusive father, to demonstrate good morality virtues.
Such limiting beliefs and behavior of the mother is further reinforced by the societal, morality and religious rules.
By doing so, both the wife and children are suppressing their True Selves, their suffering feelings and emotions. True self is a wholesome human being, to be treated with respect. which is not the case.
However, most people do not experience such extreme situation. This makes it more difficult for them to be aware of the delicate balance between True Self and Relationship. There may not be severe pain and suffering, but feeling unhappy and dis-satisfied, robotically live their life in the name of the said relationship.
Often, we hear wife complains the husband pays more respect to a stranger female, and not her, being his wife. (or the other way round, husband complains about wife friendly and talk more with stranger-male).
This can be an interesting case to analyze using [True Self and Relationship] model.
The stranger female is presenting part of her True self, a human being, a woman. As such the husband 'respects' the role, i.e. a human being, a woman and carries out polite and respectful conversation.
In the case of the wife, she has 'forgotten' her True Self as a human being, a woman, as she over identifies herself with the role as a wife, thus with inherent expectation of herself and husband.
Supposing the wife is conscious of her True Self and acts as such, i.e. I am first and foremost, a Being, a Woman, and get the message across to the partner, respect her as a Being, a Woman, then the wife becomes the stranger female, whereby the husband likely will respond with respect.
In contract, the wife may behave on either extremes, being submissive as an obedient wife, or aggressive to demand the husband be submissive or love her (in her expectation), as she is his wife. Then a lot of problems emerge, all in the name of husband and wife relationship, not True Selves.
I do not imply that all relationship problems are caused by my client who over identifies with the relationship role play, as the other partner could have his or her own complexes, psychological issues that need resolution.
But I do emphase to my clients the importance of the hierarchy of self identification with a) A wholesome Being, b) A Woman or A man c) Relationship (husband / wife, parents / children, In-laws, Siblings, partners ...) in that order of importance.
In summary, be in touch with your True Self, which also implies your own purpose or mission in life, as an Individual.
[True Self] identity is almost totally non-existent in organization. "Who are you?", the answer is "I am the Manager, or I am the Engineer, or I am a clerk".
The identity as a boss, professional, doctor, or mechanic ..is hardly a [True Self].
While the role in a relationship like 'husband and wife' is largely governed by societal expectation and morality values, the positions like supervisor and staff in an organization is constantly reinforced by organizational structure, hierarchy, job description, and above all, power, authority and monetary reward.
Are we not living a life with multiple personalities?
On one hand, there is the need to maintain order and stability to make sure organizational members stay in line with respect to their positional roles, there is a constant drive to remind and train people to be pro-active, practice the organizational values of Integrity, Honesty, think outside the box.
And Organization continues to engage consultant to strengthen organization structures and systems, the management also continues to invest large amount of money and resources in training people in Leadership, Integrity, Motivation, unleashing potentials,..supposedly the intrinsic values of a wholesome Being.
A contradiction that organization is not aware of.
With such conflicting messages, and suppressing of [True Self], little wonder most people experience stress in organization and not joy, let alone peace.
And at home, he or she is conditioned to play the role as a husband, wife, son, daughter, ..a false identity that is never the [True Self].
[True Self] calls for the questions "What is my life purpose? what is my inner calling?"
While EP coaching, helps the client to resolve whatever the presenting issues, but also helps the client to understand his or her personality and psychological make up, and last but not least, his or her mission in life.
Andrew - EP Coach